Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
