If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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