turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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