I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
