hell yes lets make some ravioli
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
