Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
