I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
