if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
