the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
