Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
