Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
