she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
