On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
