At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
