I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
