butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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