i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
