Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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