True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
