i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
