absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
