"it" just moved
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I supernannyed him into submission
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
