the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize