I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
