Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
