I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
