1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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