I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
