how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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