Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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