Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
