I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
