Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Two words: blizzard sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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