i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
