I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
