How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
