is your mom at the bar?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
