If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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