The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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