he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
