i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
