Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
