low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dick very happy bro
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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