Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
