Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
