Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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