What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
