I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
