Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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