Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So much rum. So many feels.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
