he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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