I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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