i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
