Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
