woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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