And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
