So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
