Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
