Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
