literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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