On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
