so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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