9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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