We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
