the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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