god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
