If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
