Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
