Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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