just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
