I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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