I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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