I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
