OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
