Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
