apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
