when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
then he tried to convert me to islam
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
