I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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