I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
