i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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