hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
