Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
