now i know why i became what i already was.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
