I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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