she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
